After a healthy infant from Korea was not an option, we started to wonder if God wanted us to consider a child with health problems. Those problems could range anywhere from a child with a parent who has ADHD to child who is severely disabled. Yes, unfortunately just as many of the Asian countries want perfect parents, they also want perfect babies. And where we might say, "What's the problem?" they see an imperfect baby. So they say, imperfect parents, can get the imperfect babies. Anyone else saddened by that? So these children are called waiting children, because they've been passed over by many adopting couples. And because of this, if we want to get a waiting child, we can go to any agency in the country.
I picked an agency I loved and started to fill out the application. And then my heart really started to desire a baby. Pasture and I had really liked the idea of being beyond that stage and getting a toddler. But after Korea became so difficult, I really kept coming back to the idea of bringing home a little baby. Korea, along with many other countries, have lengthened their adoption process so much, that gone are the days of bringing home a child under 1. Most likely, your child will be close to 2 years old when they come home. There are exceptions, but you have to be prepared for that. And as I see my girls growing more and more fond of babies, I can't help but smile as I imagine, Monkey, holding her tiny baby brother for the first time and stroking his hair like I've seen her do before.
Over the next several days, as I feverishly researched every country in the world, I continued to come back to the idea getting a newborn from our own country. And you may be wondering why I didn't look into domestic adoption at the beginning. It was simply because I believed a lot of the common myths that surround domestic adoptions. And right now, I have to give my dog a bath, talk with Pasture, and get ready for Monkey's gymnastics! I will tell you next time about those myths, and the call that settled the decision of where to adopt and which agency to use.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Our Biggest Challenge
I will get back to our adoption story in the next post. Right now, I want to explain one of the biggest challenges we are going to have. Adoption is a wonderful thing that begins with a very tough road. Pasture and I are not in a big hurry to get our baby home, but we would like to do so in the next year or two. Our agency has told us, that if paperwork and money is turned in on time, it is very possible we will have a new addition by next October. How amazing is that?
So here is where I ask for your help. Our biggest challenge is money. Not money to care for the child, because we have that covered. We need money to bring our baby home. We are doing what we can by trying to get that money through loans, grants, birthday and Christmas gifts, savings, and credit. But it is going to take awhile to get the $30,000 or more that we need.
So I'm asking for help. I hate doing it. I feel like an annoying sales person knocking on your door or calling you during dinner. But this is more than buying a vacuum or giving to help a puppy get surgery. This is a baby. And not just any baby, a baby that needs a home. This is a baby that needs a mother and a father. Please pray and consider if you can help. If you look on the right side of this blog you can find several ways to help. Two of those ways, you get something. And the benefit is you are helping a baby get a loving home. I will soon be adding a way you can support us when you buy from Amazon.
Thank you for reading this far. Thank you for any support you can give us. And thank you to all the family and friends that give us an abundance of emotional and spiritual support (along with lots of stuff for the baby!).
Below you will see an explanation of the costs involved in a domestic infant adoption.
Application Fee $250
We have already paid this fee, submitted our application, and been approved.
Registration Fee $200
We must get this paid to continue the process, but we are having to wait until next month when we will have the money in our budget.
Agency Consulting Fee $2,500
This is the second fee that is due right now. We are waiting for either the approval of a loan or raising money through donations, Mary Kay sales, and gift card sales.
Homestudy Fee $1,500
$1000 of this will be due very soon when we are ready to get our Homestudy started. The last $500 is due before our third interview.
Program Fee $15,500
This is the biggest fee we will have. This is the lowest the fee will be. Depending out which agency the birthmother is using, the fee could be up $35,000 or more. Half of this due when we are matched with a birth mother, which will probably be in 6 months to a year after our Homestudy is complete. The other half is due 2 weeks before we bring the baby home.
Legal Fees $4,500
We will pay around $2,000 for termination of the birthparents' parental rights and around $2,500 for adoption finalization.
Other Expenses $3,000-$3,500
We are also responsible for the birthmother's expenses. This may cover stipends for food, housing, transportation, and medical treatments.
So here is where I ask for your help. Our biggest challenge is money. Not money to care for the child, because we have that covered. We need money to bring our baby home. We are doing what we can by trying to get that money through loans, grants, birthday and Christmas gifts, savings, and credit. But it is going to take awhile to get the $30,000 or more that we need.
So I'm asking for help. I hate doing it. I feel like an annoying sales person knocking on your door or calling you during dinner. But this is more than buying a vacuum or giving to help a puppy get surgery. This is a baby. And not just any baby, a baby that needs a home. This is a baby that needs a mother and a father. Please pray and consider if you can help. If you look on the right side of this blog you can find several ways to help. Two of those ways, you get something. And the benefit is you are helping a baby get a loving home. I will soon be adding a way you can support us when you buy from Amazon.
Thank you for reading this far. Thank you for any support you can give us. And thank you to all the family and friends that give us an abundance of emotional and spiritual support (along with lots of stuff for the baby!).
Below you will see an explanation of the costs involved in a domestic infant adoption.
Application Fee $250
We have already paid this fee, submitted our application, and been approved.
Registration Fee $200
We must get this paid to continue the process, but we are having to wait until next month when we will have the money in our budget.
Agency Consulting Fee $2,500
This is the second fee that is due right now. We are waiting for either the approval of a loan or raising money through donations, Mary Kay sales, and gift card sales.
Homestudy Fee $1,500
$1000 of this will be due very soon when we are ready to get our Homestudy started. The last $500 is due before our third interview.
Program Fee $15,500
This is the biggest fee we will have. This is the lowest the fee will be. Depending out which agency the birthmother is using, the fee could be up $35,000 or more. Half of this due when we are matched with a birth mother, which will probably be in 6 months to a year after our Homestudy is complete. The other half is due 2 weeks before we bring the baby home.
Legal Fees $4,500
We will pay around $2,000 for termination of the birthparents' parental rights and around $2,500 for adoption finalization.
Other Expenses $3,000-$3,500
We are also responsible for the birthmother's expenses. This may cover stipends for food, housing, transportation, and medical treatments.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Why Domestic Infant Adoption? Part 1
Our adoption journey started not long ago with the decision to get a baby boy from South Korea. Pasture and I had talked about this off and on for many years. Now that the girls are getting older and more independent, we decided to investigate it.
Oh my! Was I in for a big surprise. I guess I kind of thought you went to one adoption agency, did a bunch of paperwork and a home study, and eventually went and got your baby. I don't think I was delusional about the amount of time and effort involved in the actual process. What I was very surprised about was the amount of research you have to do before even picking a country or an agency. There is so much to learn and every country is different and every agency is different.
What I found out very quickly is that South Korea has some very difficult rules. You can't just go to an agency, or an agency that works with SK for that matter. Only 3 agencies in the country are allowed to place child in Georgia homes. Bethany (as I'm sure most of you have heard of) was our first choice. I contacted them. Nope! They have shut down their healthy infant adoptions for now as some new laws in SK get worked out. The only children available have severe health issues. So I tried the 2nd agency. Nope! Under no circumstances will the agency they work with in SK allow parents to have ever taken psychotropic drugs, which means medicines for anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. And unfortunately I am taking paxil and have off and on for about 12 years. I called the 3rd agency. Nope! They work with the same SK agency and say no to drugs! By the way, a lot of them say no to counseling too. They want "normal" parents or those that haven't admitted they are crazy yet.
At this point, I was devastated. I felt like our dreams were ruined. I wondered if God was saying, "You have enough kids!" Not really, but I did wonder if God was saying no to adoption because I do ask him to guide my steps. And when doors are closed that sometimes means "No."
After much thinking about why we wanted to adopt, (Did we just like the idea of a cute little Asian kid?) and much prayer about what to do, we decided adoption was still in our future. But you do have to admit, this is an irresistibly cute face.
Stay tuned for more of the story...
Oh my! Was I in for a big surprise. I guess I kind of thought you went to one adoption agency, did a bunch of paperwork and a home study, and eventually went and got your baby. I don't think I was delusional about the amount of time and effort involved in the actual process. What I was very surprised about was the amount of research you have to do before even picking a country or an agency. There is so much to learn and every country is different and every agency is different.
What I found out very quickly is that South Korea has some very difficult rules. You can't just go to an agency, or an agency that works with SK for that matter. Only 3 agencies in the country are allowed to place child in Georgia homes. Bethany (as I'm sure most of you have heard of) was our first choice. I contacted them. Nope! They have shut down their healthy infant adoptions for now as some new laws in SK get worked out. The only children available have severe health issues. So I tried the 2nd agency. Nope! Under no circumstances will the agency they work with in SK allow parents to have ever taken psychotropic drugs, which means medicines for anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. And unfortunately I am taking paxil and have off and on for about 12 years. I called the 3rd agency. Nope! They work with the same SK agency and say no to drugs! By the way, a lot of them say no to counseling too. They want "normal" parents or those that haven't admitted they are crazy yet.
At this point, I was devastated. I felt like our dreams were ruined. I wondered if God was saying, "You have enough kids!" Not really, but I did wonder if God was saying no to adoption because I do ask him to guide my steps. And when doors are closed that sometimes means "No."
After much thinking about why we wanted to adopt, (Did we just like the idea of a cute little Asian kid?) and much prayer about what to do, we decided adoption was still in our future. But you do have to admit, this is an irresistibly cute face.
Stay tuned for more of the story...
Monday, October 15, 2012
New blog...what's the meaning of the title?
Some of you will know the answer right away. The title simply is because of a question Pasture always asks the girls. Watch this....
And that is where the title came from!! In case you're wondering about the beard part, Boogie made that up herself. Her daddy does something really special when she is hurt. He rubs his beard (or what he has of one) on the boo-boo for her. I love that Pasture has special things he does with the girls. Boogie loves this so much that she told me one day, "When I get married, my husband has to have a beard, so he can heal my boo-boos just like Daddy." So what must a future husband have? A Bible, a job, and a beard. Hopefully our future son will someday have those as well. (I'd be okay without the beard though.)
And that is where the title came from!! In case you're wondering about the beard part, Boogie made that up herself. Her daddy does something really special when she is hurt. He rubs his beard (or what he has of one) on the boo-boo for her. I love that Pasture has special things he does with the girls. Boogie loves this so much that she told me one day, "When I get married, my husband has to have a beard, so he can heal my boo-boos just like Daddy." So what must a future husband have? A Bible, a job, and a beard. Hopefully our future son will someday have those as well. (I'd be okay without the beard though.)
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