I got a big surprise on Friday, June 21. Our social worker called to say that Birthmother B wanted to meet us!! Her baby is now 2 months old. She has been going back and forth about making an adoption plan since before his birth. Unfortunately she doesn't have the support she needs to raise him or to make an adoption plan. And as anyone making this choice, it is hard, and she just isn't sure what to do.
But she did decide to look at our profile book. And she liked us enough to take the step to meet us. The meeting was set for Monday, June 24. Or course, those three days felt like an eternity. I was excited and nervous. I thought about what she and the baby would look like, what questions she might ask, and how I would respond to those questions.
Monday came and our meeting wasn't until 5pm. Thankfully, we had a lot to do so the day went quickly. We were running a little late so Birthmother B and our social worker were already there. I know I was nervous walking in, but I don't remember my impression when I first saw them. I was just happy to get this meeting started.
When Pasture and I sat down, she immediately asked us if we wanted to hold him. Of course we said yes! Pasture held him for awhile. He couldn't believe how little he was (he actually is average to above average for his age, but so much smaller than our girls!) and later said he couldn't get over how soft his hair was. When Pasture handed him to me, of course I was already in love. It was like the moment they handed me Monkey and Boogie. That second it didn't matter what he looked like, his personality, his health or physical ability, I loved him. But I do have to say he is pretty darn cute, perfectly healthy, and very chill.
We all began the conversation with asking the birthmother how she was doing. You could see the pain and loneliness in her eyes. I wanted to help her, whether or not she would soon share her baby with me. My heart hurt hearing her story, her many decisions she was having to make, her dreams and goals that were put on hold and seemingly now impossible. She then asked us lots of questions. She wanted to know more about our background and education, why we want to adopt, how we would explain to the baby that he is a different race than us, how often she would get to see him or keep in touch with us, and how we felt about his education.
For the most part the conversation flowed very easily. We learned more about the baby, his habits, and what he liked. We gained a lot of insight into her family and background, as we also told her about ours. When asked what she felt was important as she imagined him getting older, she said that she just wanted him to be happy. During our conversation he started to get a little fussy, but as I started bouncing him he fell asleep for a short nap. When he woke up he locked his eyes on Pasture and started to smile, laugh, and coo. He was fascinated and really like Pasture. And his birthmother seemed to really enjoy seeing him bond with Pasture.
Now we just wait to hear what decision she has made. I would love to have the baby as my son, but I'm praying that whatever happens is what is best for him.
I'm telling you all these details, with the hope, that if he does become our son, and his birthmother some day reads that this, that she won't be unhappy that I've shared a very difficult and intimate time for her. But I feel like I need to share this. Mostly because I know there are people out there that don't really see birthmothers as human. They make comments such as "How could anyone give up their baby?" as if the birthmother is heartless. She's not giving the baby like an old sweater, she's making a very complicated decision during a difficult time in her life. She's making the choice to give her child the life she wishes she could at that time. To put her child above her emotions is the most loving thing she can do. And not only will her child get a larger family with even more people to love him, but she will as well.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
New Adoption Situation!
Yippee! Another prospective baby! Here is a recap of past and current possible situations below:
Birthmother A - initially heard about her on March 7, found out it was a boy on April 25, lives in Georiga, African American boy, due in August, not matched (birthmother has not made up her mind)
Birthmother B - given information on April 1, lives in Georgia, African American boy, due in April, mom decided to keep baby
Birthmother C - given information on May 23, lives in Utah but adoption would happen in Arizona, African American boy, 8 months old, not matched (agency changed adoption to apply to Arizona families only)
Birthmother D - found information online in early June, lives in Kansas, Hispanic boy, due in July, waiting to here if this situation is still open
Birthmother E - given information June 17, lives in Texas, Caucasian boy, due in September, mother has been taking heroin but now on methadone, profile is being sent and she will look at it on June 24!
Really praying about the last situation. Hoping for a healthy baby boy to bring home.
Birthmother A - initially heard about her on March 7, found out it was a boy on April 25, lives in Georiga, African American boy, due in August, not matched (birthmother has not made up her mind)
Birthmother B - given information on April 1, lives in Georgia, African American boy, due in April, mom decided to keep baby
Birthmother C - given information on May 23, lives in Utah but adoption would happen in Arizona, African American boy, 8 months old, not matched (agency changed adoption to apply to Arizona families only)
Birthmother D - found information online in early June, lives in Kansas, Hispanic boy, due in July, waiting to here if this situation is still open
Birthmother E - given information June 17, lives in Texas, Caucasian boy, due in September, mother has been taking heroin but now on methadone, profile is being sent and she will look at it on June 24!
Really praying about the last situation. Hoping for a healthy baby boy to bring home.
Monday, June 3, 2013
A, B, C, D, E, F, G....
The rollercoaster ride continues. As you know Birthmother B had her baby in April and decided to keep him. Although, we are ready for our baby, I am happy that she was able to make it work for her to raise him. The last update I said that Birthmother A was back. She is still pregnant (which means she is actually called an Expectant Birthmother, but for ease of understanding we will call all Expectant mothers just Birthmother). Our agency has decided to put her on hold as well. She continues to waiver in her decision. Unfortunately if we were matched with her at this point, we would not be presented with anymore options. It also relieves any pressure from her to feel like she HAS to make an adoption plan with us. Again, although we really want a baby, we also really like to see a baby raised by his biological mother.
Soon after that news was given, we were asked if we would be open to an older baby. There is a Birthmother out west that has an 8 month old she is looking make a plan for. After much thought, we told our social worker that, yes we want this baby. We will call this mother Birthmother C. After a long memorial day weekend, we waited to hear more news. Our social worker spoke with Birthmother C's social worker. She then called us and told us that she was worried that Birthmother C might back out. Usually agencies require 1/2 of the money due at match. Therefore, in this case we would have to give the agency about $14,000 before the Birthmother would sign papers. As with most agencies, the money would roll over to another adoption if this one failed. But in this case, that means we are now stuck with the agency out west, who we do not know very well, to find us a match so we can apply the money we already paid to them. We are not ready to be committed to this agency. Therefore, our social worker is trying to find out for us if we could do a no risk situation where we either don't pay money up front or we get a full refund.
As we are waiting to hear about this, we were also shown case for another mother in Florida. We decided not to send our profile in because she has Hep C. The risk of the baby getting this is low. However, if the baby did get Hepatitis C, it is contagious, and cannot be tested at birth. We decided we were not ready to put our other children at that risk.
We are also working on getting our name out to other agencies. One is a referral called Heaven Sent adoptions. They do not place children, but they work with other agencies to get information out about families and children. Right now they have a baby due in July, that we have expressed interest in. Our agency has also sent us paperwork to put our name in with an agency in Florida that can also help us to find a baby.
As you can see, this process has been up and down. I will continue to keep you updated. I feel that through this process God is giving us the time we need to get prepared for the time when we bring our son home.
Soon after that news was given, we were asked if we would be open to an older baby. There is a Birthmother out west that has an 8 month old she is looking make a plan for. After much thought, we told our social worker that, yes we want this baby. We will call this mother Birthmother C. After a long memorial day weekend, we waited to hear more news. Our social worker spoke with Birthmother C's social worker. She then called us and told us that she was worried that Birthmother C might back out. Usually agencies require 1/2 of the money due at match. Therefore, in this case we would have to give the agency about $14,000 before the Birthmother would sign papers. As with most agencies, the money would roll over to another adoption if this one failed. But in this case, that means we are now stuck with the agency out west, who we do not know very well, to find us a match so we can apply the money we already paid to them. We are not ready to be committed to this agency. Therefore, our social worker is trying to find out for us if we could do a no risk situation where we either don't pay money up front or we get a full refund.
As we are waiting to hear about this, we were also shown case for another mother in Florida. We decided not to send our profile in because she has Hep C. The risk of the baby getting this is low. However, if the baby did get Hepatitis C, it is contagious, and cannot be tested at birth. We decided we were not ready to put our other children at that risk.
We are also working on getting our name out to other agencies. One is a referral called Heaven Sent adoptions. They do not place children, but they work with other agencies to get information out about families and children. Right now they have a baby due in July, that we have expressed interest in. Our agency has also sent us paperwork to put our name in with an agency in Florida that can also help us to find a baby.
As you can see, this process has been up and down. I will continue to keep you updated. I feel that through this process God is giving us the time we need to get prepared for the time when we bring our son home.
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