I got a big surprise on Friday, June 21. Our social worker called to say that Birthmother B wanted to meet us!! Her baby is now 2 months old. She has been going back and forth about making an adoption plan since before his birth. Unfortunately she doesn't have the support she needs to raise him or to make an adoption plan. And as anyone making this choice, it is hard, and she just isn't sure what to do.
But she did decide to look at our profile book. And she liked us enough to take the step to meet us. The meeting was set for Monday, June 24. Or course, those three days felt like an eternity. I was excited and nervous. I thought about what she and the baby would look like, what questions she might ask, and how I would respond to those questions.
Monday came and our meeting wasn't until 5pm. Thankfully, we had a lot to do so the day went quickly. We were running a little late so Birthmother B and our social worker were already there. I know I was nervous walking in, but I don't remember my impression when I first saw them. I was just happy to get this meeting started.
When Pasture and I sat down, she immediately asked us if we wanted to hold him. Of course we said yes! Pasture held him for awhile. He couldn't believe how little he was (he actually is average to above average for his age, but so much smaller than our girls!) and later said he couldn't get over how soft his hair was. When Pasture handed him to me, of course I was already in love. It was like the moment they handed me Monkey and Boogie. That second it didn't matter what he looked like, his personality, his health or physical ability, I loved him. But I do have to say he is pretty darn cute, perfectly healthy, and very chill.
We all began the conversation with asking the birthmother how she was doing. You could see the pain and loneliness in her eyes. I wanted to help her, whether or not she would soon share her baby with me. My heart hurt hearing her story, her many decisions she was having to make, her dreams and goals that were put on hold and seemingly now impossible. She then asked us lots of questions. She wanted to know more about our background and education, why we want to adopt, how we would explain to the baby that he is a different race than us, how often she would get to see him or keep in touch with us, and how we felt about his education.
For the most part the conversation flowed very easily. We learned more about the baby, his habits, and what he liked. We gained a lot of insight into her family and background, as we also told her about ours. When asked what she felt was important as she imagined him getting older, she said that she just wanted him to be happy. During our conversation he started to get a little fussy, but as I started bouncing him he fell asleep for a short nap. When he woke up he locked his eyes on Pasture and started to smile, laugh, and coo. He was fascinated and really like Pasture. And his birthmother seemed to really enjoy seeing him bond with Pasture.
Now we just wait to hear what decision she has made. I would love to have the baby as my son, but I'm praying that whatever happens is what is best for him.
I'm telling you all these details, with the hope, that if he does become our son, and his birthmother some day reads that this, that she won't be unhappy that I've shared a very difficult and intimate time for her. But I feel like I need to share this. Mostly because I know there are people out there that don't really see birthmothers as human. They make comments such as "How could anyone give up their baby?" as if the birthmother is heartless. She's not giving the baby like an old sweater, she's making a very complicated decision during a difficult time in her life. She's making the choice to give her child the life she wishes she could at that time. To put her child above her emotions is the most loving thing she can do. And not only will her child get a larger family with even more people to love him, but she will as well.
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